Just as I Am

2008-08-06T15:40:00.000-07:00

Oh, Missouri Writing Project, even when we're finished I find myself stopping during the packing, moving, and decorating room craze to write poetry. Thank you for reminding me to slow down and giving me permission to write...I think today is evidence that this summer was more than just a retreat, it has prompted a lifestyle change.

Saying Good-bye

In my desk hides
7 of the flashy earrings TayVian left behind
9 unclaimed plastic multi-colored barrettes.
A picture of my first class...23 tan, wiggly bodies and a very different
person than the one I see in the mirror now.
Notes of encouragement
From Linda Wy after my first day of first grade tears spilled over
From Sally after good and bad days alike
From Jenine the bittersweet day she left the classroom
From Kay when my 2007-2008 mirrored her 2003-2004
5 stray unifex cubes
Countless half used pens and pencils
26 cents...all in pennies minus one stray nickel.
Half a dozen plastic counters
Germ-X
Paperclips
Crayon drawn materpieces
Post cards from Kris' European Adventure
Jordan's sweet thank you, "For teaching me how to believe in myself
and become a poet."

In Room 108 are 4 white walls
With tears that match the effect
They had on me only two short Augusts ago.
In these white walls hide stories
Of head lice, of snake book reading miracles
Of tantrums and laughter
Of "I no can do this" and of "That's what good writers do."
Of Criss Cross Applesauce and "Oh What a Beautiful Morning."
And of more tears that no one saw but me.
In these white walls hide the
Memories of cricket and vomit debauchles
But also
The secret to lives well lived
Sung by first graders gone by.

On these white walls hide a clock, that once again taunts me
To hurry up, to push forward, to get back to the "To do list."
But even though they are bare,
These white walls
And the voices that stand behind them
Pull me back
Reminding me to drink in this moment
To feel the pain mixed with excitement,
And yes, a little fear.
They remind me to say good-bye
To the room itself
But not to the most intangible things
That fit not in a moving box
But in the teacher I am
And the person I will become.

2008-07-31T20:58:00.000-07:00

Not just lifelong learning, but a learning lifestyle...

2008-07-30T11:53:00.000-07:00

Thank you, David Warlick for opening perhaps one of the most important dialogs we can have as educators. I'm not just talking about a dialog concerning technology, I'm talking about a dialog concerning literacy and democracy. What is our ultimate goal as educators? Among other important things (considering the fact that we must teach the WHOLE child) is the fact that I want my students to lead more literate lives. Notice I said, literate lives, not a _____ score on the DRA. I think this is an area, that as a profession we need to examine much more closely. We like to section things out into nice neat categories, the only problem with that is the simple fact that real learning is messy and nice neat categories just one work or fit. Comprehension for example, isn't just about "literal retelling" it encompasses so much more because making meaning and understanding is so much more complex. It's also not about throwing a few buzz words in a program and calling it a day. Life is not a multiple choice or fill in the blank test. If we want our students to be prepared, not for our future, but for their future, as Warlick explains, we must create an educational system that values critical thinking, creativity, and collaboration. Case in point, prescripted programs aren't going to cut it (sorry to all the textbook companies out there making the big bucks, if I had my way, your days would be numbered.) We need Edupunks, teachers who take their students needs, interests, schema, and motivation into consideration. This issue goes far beyond to use technology or not to use technology because it's more about philosophy than any gizmo or gadget. Since the issue is deeper, technology in and of is not going to make the difference if our philosophies remain unchanged. How many meetings have I sat through where a SMARTboard or computer or game is really nothing more than a worksheet on a screen? Using technology for the sake of using technology is not going to work. Using technology as one tool of many to construct understanding and create new outcomes is.

I also must close by saying that I am slightly afraid and nervous about some things that I will ponder with you, dear reader, later. Case in point, I would like Mr. Warlick to put the chair back in his presentation because regardless of how advanced we become, to me there will always be a need for personal communication. But as a whole, I am grateful for the issues he is raising. So, thank you, Mr. Warlick!

Announcements...We Love Announcements

2008-07-28T09:35:00.000-07:00

So I have news...big news...big bursting at the seams, call yo momma collect (do people still do that anymore?), bake your cake and eat it too, drum roll please, Give Me 5, repeating clap NEWS!

I am no longer displaced...I will be teaching 5th grade next year. Exciting stuff minus the moving all my junk upstairs and the fact that my "Tuck and Cover" story time will probably have a slightly different tone.

My Found Poem--From Better Homes and Gardens

2008-07-23T19:47:00.001-07:00

self-portrait no. 5

Just what the world needs
The real you
Turn off
Tradition
(And no, that's not a misprint.)
STOP struggling to live
Come alive
Raising your voice
No shrinking
A million good ideas welded together
Reveal commentary
Worth sharing
Creating a better view
Formerly known as YOU.

The Caterpillar: Alice's Anti-Drug

2008-07-23T11:52:00.000-07:00

Political?

2008-07-22T22:01:00.001-07:00

O.k. my blogging buddies. I have a question for you to ponder because it's replaying again and again in my mind. In Arizona, a session I attended sited Carole Edelsky's statement that everything is political. For example, they said that when you choose to read a book with issues like homelessness, segregation, etc... you are making a political choice. When you choose not to read books with these issues you are making a political decision.

The word "politics" quite honestly leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth (worse than orange juice and toothpaste...yeah that bad), but it's made me think. One of the ladies at the table (who by the way is writing her dissertation on politics and the classroom) said that she would define "politics" as anything you use to get something you want or need. So are the decisions we make always political? Can politics in schools actually be a good thing?

Agree? Disagree? Thoughts? Feelings? Complaints?

Not just what we do. It's who we are.

2008-07-22T21:51:00.000-07:00

I've been rereading my journal from my first year of teaching. This section made me smile as I remembered another recent conversation with a friend about "Merit Pay."

"...As I drove home at 9:00 Wednesday night, grabbed my box of papers to grade, someone on the radio started to talk about merit based pay correlated to class performance on high stakes tests. In my state of exhaustion it occurred to me that I don’t just think it’s stupid to compensate someone because of test scores I think it’s irrelevant because regardless of what you pay me or what you say about me, I physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually cannot work any harder. At the same time, when I think about my kids I can’t work any less. What I’m giving is my best and it has next to nothing to do with the $.10 an hour I’m making and everything to do with the 25 faces I can’t get out of my head at night. If I wanted commission, I’d be a salesman, if I wanted widgets I’d go down to the industrial park, if I wanted numbers I’d stop working with people, and if I wanted easy, I wouldn’t be in the classroom." (April 21, 2007)

Then my mom sent me a quote via e-mail that seemed to fit as well.

"For other teachers, perhaps it’s the progress, imperceptible as it may seem at times, the little connections, a hug here and there, or the realization that we might well be the only source of encouragement a child is getting right now. Perhaps deep down there’s the possibility that our excitement, or even our good intentions, somehow makes a dent, that our caring and commitment allow us, inevitably, to touch the future. But we give what we give because we can’t not give, and we give in the best of faith, because the evidence of our devotion is sometimes long in coming. We are tested again and again, and sometimes we just keep coming back for no good reason besides the fact that, for better or worse, we are called to teach. Maybe this is something only another teacher can understand: It’s not just what we do. It’s who we are." - Jane Bluestein

Advice to Writers

2008-07-21T18:16:00.000-07:00

Carole Edelsky shared a couple of Billy Collins (who, by the way, I never would've heard of before if it wasn't for you wonderful people) poems during her presentation that I thought you may get a kick out of as well.

Advice To Writers by Billy Collins

Even if it keeps you up all night,
wash down the walls and scrub the floor
of your study before composing a syllable.

Clean the place as if the Pope were on his way.
Spotlessness is the niece of inspiration.

The more you clean, the more brilliant
your writing will be, so do not hesitate to take
to the open fields to scour the undersides
of rocks or swab in the dark forest
upper branches, nests full of eggs.

When you fiind your way back home
and stow the sponges and brushes under the sink,
you will behold in the light of dawn
the immaculate altar of your desk,
a clean surface in the middle of a clean world.

From a small vase, sparkling blue, lift
a yellow pencil, the sharpest of the bouquet,
and cover pages with tiny sentences
like long rows of devoted ants
that followed you in from the woods.

The History Teacher - Billy Collins

Trying to protect his students' innocence
he told them the Ice Age was really just
the Chilly Age, a period of a million years
when everyone had to wear sweaters.

And the Stone Age became the Gravel Age,
named after the long driveways of the time.

The Spanish Inquisition was nothing more
than an outbreak of questions such as
"How far is it from here to Madrid?"
"What do you call the matador's hat?"

The War of the Roses took place in a garden,
and the Enola Gay dropped one tiny atom on Japan.

The children would leave his classroom
for the playground to torment the weak
and the smart,
mussing up their hair and breaking their glasses,

while he gathered up his notes and walked home
past flower beds and white picket fences,
wondering if they would believe that soldiers
in the Boer War told long, rambling stories
designed to make the enemy nod off.

Happy Birthday Dear Ken Goodman, Happy Birthday to You...

2008-07-21T12:44:00.000-07:00

So as soon as I stepped off the plane, onto the kitty litter like ground that is Arizona, and found my way to the right wing of the hotel, I was immediately swept into a sea of passionate teacher people through a set of double doors and into the conference center. I didn't even have time to put my bag in my room before my brain was bombarded by a generous helping of deep thought. The sessions were wonderful, I enjoyed presenting (1st Grade Interest Based Book Clubs with REAL children's literature in case you'd like to know more), but the experience itself is really hard to put into words. I'm eating cheese and crackers next to Yetta Goodman, being introduced to Kathy Short, and sitting at a CELT meeting with a room where the intelligence level was palpable. So as I'm trying to synthesize, I'll result back to my old friend, the bulleted list.

Carole Edelsky shared a historical perspective on education...how we've viewed children and their learning over the course of history. She asked us to consider what would happen if we didn't just look at a child as a biological being, not just as historical being, but as a hole being--going back to the "Whole Child." What would happen if we helped children to view their life as a part of history and that history is bigger than the sum of the individual story...I started thinking about that word "History" and the fact that the word "story" is stuck in there too. She used the words "Critical Whole Language" for the "Whole Child" and spoke about the fact that perhaps we should go back to the "Know thyself curriculum." It made me think a great deal about identity formation in schools. She also encouraged us to help children not only make connections, but disconnections to the things they read. I have several of her books on my "Must Read" list now including "With Literacy and Justice For All" and "Making Justice Our Project."
I got to be a part of the generational legacy that's vital to my life's calling's success. I met some of the warmest people from New Jersey, Japan, and New Mexico alike. We talked about what is most important--children and their learning.
I got to feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude as I realized that when I thanked the people who paved the way for me, I was actually saying thank you from over 50 first graders who have also been impacted by their work.
I got to listen to Kathy Short speak on critical literacy with elementary students. She reminded us that, "Not to take action is to condone." but that taking action is more than just "volunteering." There is an ownership piece, an education/reflection piece, an inquiry piece, and a "must meet a real need" piece. That our real goal is change, not just charity. The importance of changing yourself to change the world and how important it is for us to recognize the ways that we ourselves are often part of the problems we attempt to solve. That we should be critically reading the word and the world and that democracy is about listening and understanding as well as speaking and doing. The inquiry she did with these elementary students is something I want to build on in my own classroom.
In case you're wondering about the title, I also got to sing Happy Birthday to Ken Goodman, how cool is that?

There is a lot more, but my brain is still processing and my eyes are still in need of a little sleep. Here are a couple great websites if you'd like to learn more about Teachers Applying Whole Language! We meet monthly at Paxton Keeley and there is also a Mid-Missouri conference featuring Jerry Harste and Dorothy Watson on October 4.

http://tawl.missouri.org/
http://www.ncte.org/groups/wlu/who/117439.htm

Flying in an Airplane Lookin' Out the Window

2008-07-21T11:30:00.000-07:00

So unfortunately I didn't get to partake in the excursion to Abigail's and beyond. I did, however, get a chance to run the race at KCI airport and a few thousand feet up in the air (once I could move my tray table out of the upright position.) I discovered the following...

Airports are great places to write. You are only surrounded by what...thousands of stories from a whole host of very interesting people. It spurs a lot of people watching questions...Where are they going? What's their story? Why do people buy 8 oz. of orange juice for $5? I wonder what the weirdest thing those x-ray technicians see in a day? What does a person's suitcase say about his/her personality? Why is it o.k. to check a bag with guns and knives while I can't take more than 3 oz. of shampoo in my carry on?
Writing and sharing without immediate judgement, evaluation, or affirmation is quite freeing. I'm not much of a "free writer"...I like to revise as I go and edit myself, but I wasn't as hesitant this time.
Cloud watching is better when you're looking over instead of looking up.
Airplanes may indeed be the only place left that you can go to without people talking on their cell phones.
When the stewardess asks everyone to follow along on the safety card found in the seat in front of you, does it get annoying when no one does. I think it may be a lot like teaching at times.
How much money do airlines save by no longer offering complementary peanuts and a full container of your preferred beverage?

Thank you for flying American Airlines. You are now free to exit my blog. Be careful, comments may have shifted during take off.

So what did yoooou do today?

2008-07-16T12:17:00.000-07:00

Because I am a trustworthy, upstanding student who doesn't waste time in the computer lab, I accomplished many a task during class this afternoon. For the type A personalities in the room I give you "The List"

I discovered the Columbia Public Schools' server is currently not working. Nick believes that it may have been one of the Priority 1 budget cuts.
I started reading a great new book about my research topic called For a Better World: Reading and Writing for Social Justice.
I conferenced with my coach...hopefully next time she'll bring her whistle. Anyways, we discussed my stellar poetry presentation for Monday and I even had time to print my handouts. Thanks coach!
I found out that Danny's summer job is in the WWF at our spiffy new "Zing"...or is it "Ning" website for MWP. I also perused some stellar photographs commemorating the craziness.
I posted a wonderful addition to you, dear reader. So feel loved and enjoy your afternoon.

Critical Literacy

2008-07-14T20:53:00.000-07:00

My project is going to be on Critical Literacy/social studies because I know I can transfer it regardless of what grade level I teach and it is a topic I've become increasingly interested in.

If I knew for sure that I was teaching first grade, I would study developmental appropriate expectations with craft and conventions. I'm finding that my students can often do one or the other, but trying to put them together is often very overwhelming, especially when it comes to the "District Writing Prompt." Related to this is the fact that the "Scoring Guide" even when written in "kid friendly language" is not relevant to them. Besides the fact that there is far too much criteria, the matrix and numbers are abstract and not the things I want them to focus on as writers.

Shift Happens

2008-07-10T20:27:00.000-07:00

I'm sure many of you have already viewed this presentation, but it's something that was shown at a faculty meeting that continues to make me think, especially as we continue our dialog about technology.

I know there is a way to have it show up as an icon on the screen, but I'm still playing around. The link should get you where you need to go.

Shift Happens

Browse My Coffee Table

2008-07-09T18:08:00.002-07:00

As usual, I have more books going then time to read. In my apartment, there are two "currently reading" sub-genres--books on the coffee table and books on the night stand. The only major difference between the two is simply the fact that I cannot read professionally before I sleep or I'm left with mental checklists and evolving ideas before finally giving in to a night of crazy school dreams. Allow me to give you the coffee table grand tour...no need for coasters, I salvaged it from city wide clean up :)

Life in a Crowded Place--Classic Ralph Peterson that I've been meaning to read for some time. It's basically about creating a learning community, the fact that life in a classroom is a very intense social experience, and that we need to reconsider what role we play. Not necessarily anything new or earth shattering, just good solid reminding principles.

To Understand by Ellin Keene--I just finished this book. The author asks a simple question posed by a child, "What does it mean to understand?" Tying the definition to the work of famous artists, Keene ultimately shares the importance of helping our children become "Renaissance Learners" who question, dig deeply, pursue new ideas and a wide variety of interests through inquiry. She also poses this challenge to teachers. I'll share several of my favorite parts later...I let Melissa borrow my book :)

This I Believe--So I'm far from an NPR guru, but I've always loved this segment. Now, the editors have created an anthology of many of these personal philosophies from people of all walks of life. I don't always agree with the view points, but am drawn to the honesty these people share about things of great consequence in such concise language. I'm attempting to write my own...not an easy task for someone who loves listy lines. I'll share if I ever get done.

Awakening the Heart:Exploring Poetry in Elementary and Middle School--Georgia Heard--I'm rereading one of my old favorites. I read it for the first time the summer before my first year of teaching and fell in love. Very practical ideas with a heartfelt philosophy to back it up. Throughout the text, she provides lines from poets about the process as well as bits and pieces of poems I wouldn't have otherwise read. Here is one of my favorites, "The Celtic peoples...insisted that only the poets could be teachers. Why? I think it is because knowledge that is not passed through the heart is dangerous." ~Matthew Fox~

Blogs, Wikis, Podcasts, and Other Powerful Web Tools for Classrooms--O.k. I will confess, Juanita, this is the only book on my coffee table I would never have picked up for myself, but for the type of text it is, it hasn't been half bad. I'm still wrestling with the issues related to equity and ethics I've voiced before and trying to understand its implications for life in lower elementary. I will say that I did like his reference to Samuel Johnson, "I hate to read a writer who has written more than he has read," while not necessarily the thesis of the chapter, I agree with Johnson...you can definitely tell the difference.

2008-07-09T11:44:00.000-07:00

"The perfectionist writes with one eye on her audience. Instead of enjoying the process, the perfectionist is constantly grading the results." ~Anonymous~

This is what happens to me when faced with a blank page...everything inside freezes. I compare, I over analyze, I evaluate, I grade, I hide. I've had time to thaw these last few days, however. Time to ponder, time to play with language, time to give myself permission to come to you "Just as I Am." Time to share who I am and where I'm from without fear or insecurity.

Where I’m From

I’m from open windows and unlocked doors
From gravel roads and four wheel drive
From waving hands,
That give strong handshakes,
and eyes that look straight into yours

I’m from roads free from stop lights and parking meters
From corn leaves and soybean pods
Deer stands and turkey blinds
Hard work, sweat, and gumption.
From the muddy Mississippi’s tri-state grasp.

I’m from a scrunched back seat
Buckled between two squabbling brothers
From my Kindergarten teacher I just happened to call “Mom”
I’m from pitch and catch with a dad who cared
From “I love yous” spoken both with words and action
I’m from “My Little Pony” bans, porch swings, and backyard potions.
From homesickness that threatened to swallow you whole
Because you love “Where you’re from” more than most.

I’m from Mizuno Leather and a scrap iron prom dress
From “Come Lord Jesus” and the “Amen” “Ah-men” debate.
I’m from shyness and insecurity
People pleasing and perfectionism
I’m from one T.V., and
Suffocating muggy Missouri nights
Without Air conditioning.

I’m from bike rides to grandmas
From fried chicken and mashed potatoes
Made the way her mother taught her
I’m from her love of reading
And her voice that made me feel like Laura Ingalls Wilder
I’m from Happy Hour Hardees dates with Grandpa Beat
The honk of his pick-up truck’s horn
When I caught a fly ball
And from the red blushing face that quickly followed after.

I’m from a sea of orange and black
Under crisp Friday night lights
From change-ups and drop balls
Called third strikes
Grimy “Strawberries” and fizzing Peroxide.
I’m from every Sunday morning
The Old Rugged Cross
Law and Gospel
Grace and Truth

I’m from “Take 3 bites”
Or stay at the table.
And cookie dough made from Grandma Nevy’s recipe
Free from calorie counting and salomenella.

Today I’m consumed by busyness and complexity
Traffic jams and intersections
Noise and clutter
But I will always be from…
Open windows and unlocked doors
Gravel roads and four wheel drive.
The people, the memories,
The tears, the laughter
From the place I come from.